does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
