You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
