party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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