It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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