I feel great
I just peed on a car
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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