I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
