I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
