I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
