i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
