It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
