He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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