I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
