this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
