I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
