Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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