all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
