weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
