Will you blow on my dice?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
