I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
