I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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