No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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