Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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