I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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