His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
