I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
