My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
