I hate all girls vehemently.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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