sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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