should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
