I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
