Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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