So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
