I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
