but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
