I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
