let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
