Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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