Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
