i permit you to call me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
