Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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