All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Terrible idea I love it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
