people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
