where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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