Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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