shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
