after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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