Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
