i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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