There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
