I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cockslap morals
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
