i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
