oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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